Saying Goodbye

Apr 24, 2020

Shortly after arriving home from her Wednesday shift after Riverside Memorial Hospital in Columbus, Allison Largent Bruce sat down at her computer and began writing. As the words began to flow, so did the emotions—and the tears.

Allison, a 2016 Xavier nursing graduate, is a critical care nurse in an Intensive Care Unit at Riverside Memorial in Columbus, Ohio. She cares for patients in the ICU ward reserved solely for those with the coronavirus. In the ICU, most COVID-19 patients are on ventilators, and once on a ventilator, most never come off.

That was the case with a patient Allison had under her care for about three and a half weeks. She already knew some of his extended family, and when he came onto her floor, she got to know him and his immediate family very well.

As she wrote in her post, treating COVID-19 patients challenges everything she learned at Xavier about being a compassionate nurse. The precautions taken to protect caregivers means they must restrict their time in patients’ rooms, and the protective gear is another barrier preventing her from creating and maintaining the close caregiver relationships she likes to have with her patients. She laments not being able to touch or hug her patients or their family members.

“The nursing program really emphasizes not just the physical care but also that it’s their mind and spirit that we have to care for,” she said in a recent interview. “It’s extremely difficult during the COVID pandemic because the focus is on the medical aspect, and the idea of humans caring for each other has been pushed aside, so it’s hard to keep in mind these patients are human and need physical interaction. Having to wear protective equipment and not being able to go into their rooms as much reminds me that when I am in there, I need be sure to hold their hand or even just move the pillow to the cool side.”

If possible, they also help the patients on ventilators visit with family on FaceTime or hold a phone to their ear while a spouse tells them everything is okay at home, not to worry and to concentrate on getting better. She doesn't know if they really can hear, because they are usually sedated, but it's good to know they tried.

Allison is studying full-time for a doctoral nursing degree, so for now she works part-time hours at Riverside and was not supposed to be at work that day in mid-April. But a colleague asked her to sub in, and the patient, a man in his 60s with no underlying health conditions, was placed in her care. A few hours later, the decision was made to turn off the ventilator, and he died with his wife, son and daughter-in-law to-be at his side.

At Riverside, up to three family members are allowed to be present with their loved ones in such circumstances. In this case, they all wore extensive protective gear, and were able to hold his hand. Allison wept alongside the family, but she’s grateful she was able to be with them at the bedside.

“I was not supposed to be there the day he passed, but I feel God wanted me there for that patient and family, and knowing that I was supposed to be there made it a little bit easier,” she said. “The grief was overwhelming. He was a previously healthy 60-year-old, and in that moment I realized it could have just as easily been my dad who contracted the virus and was critically ill.”

She spent about an hour writing her thoughts after she got home that night, and then decided to share it on Facebook the next day. She was amazed by the response—an outpouring from friends, family and strangers offering love, thoughts and prayers. 

Allison said the experience of caring for and losing COVID-19 patients has taught her to be more appreciative of the things she has—she and her husband are both working and healthy. And she truly appreciates her Xavier education.

“I don’t think I would be as caring or well-rounded a nurse if I hadn’t gone to Xavier,” she said. “I was so shaped by the experience there. It’s also made me grateful for my family and the Xavier community and even strangers. It’s been really cool to watch humanity pull together.”

By France Sloat, Office of Marketing and Communications

Read more stories about Xavier on the Front Lines of COVID-19.