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A wee little 'wii-view'

Andrew Chestnut
Editorial Columnist

Like I’ve said, video games bewilder and discombobulate me. To play a typical video game these days, I would have to learn a books-worth of new things—like what buttons to push and in which part of the head to shoot opponents — and that just isn’t fun. I think playing an NFL football game would be simpler than playing a football game on Madden ‘08.

And that, friends, is one of the many reasons I love the Wii. It takes about 0.5 seconds to learn how to play an average game, versus the two-week night class it took me to learn how to play Halo 3.

As you’ve probably heard, the Wii uses controls (Wii-motes) that are waved in air to create motion on the screen. I was pretty skeptical of the usability of this technology at first, but it actually performs surprisingly well. Playing tennis feels like playing tennis (although I seem to hit far fewer balls into the net), and bowling is like bowling (except I’m better at that, too). It’s not exactly simulated reality, but that’s sort of the point.

The Wii also allows you to create (or as some would say, cwii-ate) miniaturized personas of one’s self, called Miis, a process which is nearly as fun as the games themselves (especially if you have a chunky friend who is in denial about his or her weight).

It’s easy to make the Mii look and behave exactly like you do, which makes it better than having children. The Miis collect points, become “pros,” and ingeniously appeal to everyone’s favorite past time: obsessing over their own image. And, unlike Sims, they aren’t illiterate, needy idiots who flood the bathroom every day; they always do what you want them to.

And what is there to do? Quite a bit, even if you don’t buy new games for the Wii. The console includes Wii Sports, with which you can play tennis and bowling (which are Wii-markable), baseball and golf (which are good) or boxing (which is impossible). You can also train and improve the “fitness” of your Mii, which I realize sounds wii-diculous, but is actually great.

For instance, to get better at bowling, you can try to knock over almost-comically large amounts of bowling pins for no apparent reason at all. Would anyone ever get the opportunity to a bowl at a rack of 91 pins? Not unless you’re a very eccentric millionaire or a Wii owner.

 

Most importantly, the Wii offers a move back to traditional video game simplicity. Nothing takes more than 10 or 15 minutes to do; no brain-damaging three-hour marathons of staring at a TV screen are necessary.

I learned how to play tennis and bowling in about nine milliseconds, and I’m video game-inept. But if you’re the kind of person who likes watching 20-minute uninteractive intros, reading game manuals to learn where the sixth mystic skull is located and care more about obsessively-realistic graphics than fun gameplay, I would stick with a PS3. If you just want to have fun (with other people, even), get a Wii. Or better yet, get a roommate who has one.

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A Colbert Commencement

Patrick Stevenson
Editor-in-Chief

I suspect that most people spend their last semester before graduation worrying about getting a job, applying to grad school or simply cowering in fear at the prospect of entering the dreaded “real world.” I, on the other hand, have been spending a tremendous amount of time lately considering who the perfect commencement speaker would be for the Class of ’08.

Due to the timing of this year’s graduation ceremony, there will be a unique opportunity to have a major political figure speak at commencement. If recent history repeats itself (and with the current primary process, that’s becoming an increasingly large ‘if’), by mid-May, both political parties will have unofficially appointed a candidate to represent them in the presidential election this November.

One imagines that the presidential candidates are going to spend an enormous amount of time campaigning in Ohio, a pivotal state that may ultimately determine the winner of this year’s election. One also imagines that a potential presidential candidate who relies heavily on young people for support (e.g. John McCain, Barack Obama, Ron Paul), would seriously consider accepting an invitation to speak at Xavier’s graduation, due to the importance of Ohio in the general election.

However, the problem with having a presidential candidate speak at a graduation ceremony is that half of the audience will inevitably hate the candidate, which will mar the day’s festivities for everyone. And no one wants that.

So if we rule out a political figure, the two categories left are famous people and rich people. Last year, Xavier went with the rich person option, inviting Alan Lafley, the CEO of Procter & Gamble to speak. While this was a solid choice, it was completely uninspired. I’m willing to bet that in a decade’s time, many people in the class of ’07 will not remember who gave the address at their commencement, which seems like a shame to me.

So that leaves us with famous people. This is difficult, because there are plenty of famous people I would love to hear speak, but I’m pretty sure many of them wouldn’t give a very good commencement speech. For example, I would give my left arm to see Lewis Black get up on stage and talk, but I’m fairly certain that his graduation speech would be less than positive.

 

Many interesting famous people also charge outrageous sums of money to make public appearances, which probably rules out people like George Clooney and Denzel Washington.

So who can we get for a commencement speaker that would be memorable, recognizable, entertaining and reasonably priced? The choice seems obvious to me: Stephen Colbert. I may be a bit biased, as I’m something of a Colbert devotee, but I think Colbert brings a lot of things to the table that some corporate blowhard simply does not. First, people will actually stay awake during his speech, which is sort of important.

Also, absolutely no one will get excited if Xavier books another CEO to speak at graduation. If Xavier booked Colbert, the buzz around his speech would be extraordinary, possibly attracting positive attention from the local media —to say nothing of whatever references to Xavier Colbert will make on his show—something this university never shies away from.

We have no idea who is in charge of selecting the commencement speaker at Xavier (nor did I make any effort to find out), but I encourage them to think outside of the box when considering candidates to give the address at graduation.

Because in 10 years, I want to remember who gave the speech at my graduation.

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Life at the Newswire

Emily Hoferer
Arts & Entertainment Editor

Ah, the fresh smell of another semester is something that I just can’t get enough of. I hear that some people don’t like this little once-a-semester column because it makes us seem like a clique. My defense is that I’ve been at school for about a week and nothing has happened. So here is your latest edition of “Life at the Newswire.”

I’ve decided that honesty is the best policy. Today is my 21st birthday. Instead of going out to Don Pablo’s to swim in a salty bath of margaritas I’m sitting here in the Publications House swimming in self-pity. Of all the places to be on the 21st anniversary of me existing in this world, the Publications House is not high on my list. But, this is my job, so I have to do it (if this isn’t dedication to my craft, then I don’t know what is.) And of course, it wouldn’t be a typical “Life at the Newswire” without a little whining.

So if this page is not up to caliber, blame it on the lunar calendar, my parents or Pat, but do not blame it on the birthday girl.

OK, enough about me. Let’s talk about our lovely staff and what they have been up to. This is the semester that I’m going on John LaFollette sabbatical. We’ve decided to go our separate ways and sever our BFFness. This is just a dramatic way of me saying that he is going to Ghana to become a more enlightened human being while I stay here and whine about how I have to work on my birthday.

So since he left he hired a replacement, Doug. Doug is the first person named Doug that I’ve ever met. So far he’s pretty tame and he is getting the hang of things. My only beef with him is that he likes the Red Sox. I’m from Denver, so the World Series is still a touchy subject.

Everyone else is still here, doing the same of stuff. Matt is harping about birth control, Pat is stroking his ego, Katie is being loud, the copy editors are editing and Darren is being responsible. So it goes.

I must admit though that even though I work here I sometimes never get to know people face to face and only through their writing. With this being said, I will have to woman-up and admit that I have a teensy weensy writing crush on Andrew Chestnut. He’s so funny! Have I had any conversations with this guy? About two. But I’ve read more than two of his columns!

There has been one distressing thing about last semester and it involves a felony. I’ve noticed that some of my belongings have gone missing over the course of the semester. For example, a roll of posters I kept here overnight is now gone. Then the two bars of soap from the Denver Zoo that my roommate acquired lasted only a week until they disappeared. I feel as if the two incidents are related.

But if you were going to steal from the Publications House, wouldn’t you take something more expensive? They could have at least stolen the computers, the printer or some of our textbooks.

And why don’t they take some of the stuff no one cares about? We have a huge box of pencils that need to go, as well as a basket of CDs from bands that never made it in the 90s. Next time, these thieves should aim for the box of Pat’s business cards. By stealing those they would prevent Pat from handing them out at Dana’s. And that’s for the benefit of everyone.

Speaking of my lovely boss, today is the day his biggest dream comes true. The Newswire, for the first time in 93 years, is in COLOR! We’re all very excited and you should be too. This is the first whisper of the winds of change and change is good!

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 A&E Briefs

Catherine Stahl 
Arts & Entertainment Editor

MORP

Navigators is having a MORP (or backwards Prom). Rather than eating at a nice restaurant, students will go out for fast-food. Dress as crazy as possible (what you wouldn’t wear to Prom). Those interested meet at 8p.m. on Friday, Jan. 25 in the Kuhlman circle to carpool to favorite Norwood fast-food locations for dinner. After eating, return to the Clocktower Lounge for a dance party. There will even be a crowning of a MORP King and Queen at the end of the night. It’s free (except the dinner, which you buy at your restaurant of choice) and lots of fun! Hope to see you there!

Ski Trip

It’s that time of the year again for XU’s annual Ski Trip to Perfect North Slopes. The trip will take place from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. on Saturday, Jau 26. Tickets for the event go on sale Tuesday and Wedsnesday this week on the first floor of GSC from 12-5 p.m. and are only $20 a person. This event always sells out very fast, so be sure to get your tickets early!

Classic Movie Night

The GSC Classic College Movie for January is “Boondock Saints.” Show times are at 11 p.m. Thursday and Friday, Jan. 24-25 in the GSC Theater. Free to XU students with All Card.

Movie at the Levee

The Weekenders Committee will be hosting free busses to Newport On the Levee on Friday, Jan. 25. Busses will leave from Buenger Circle at 6:30 p.m. Free movie passes will be given to students who take the busses down.