Wednesday
I hate women! Shame be to the uppity lass who thinks she can get a college education! Their hormones keep them from thinkin’ any logical thoughts! Shame! Shame!
Shame be to the men who think the women are good for anything ‘cept’n
birthin’ babies.
SHAME!
If women get start believin’ they’re equal to men, there’ll
be no stoppin’ em from doing whatever they want to do.
Next thing you know they’ll be drinkin’ chocolate milk instead of
good ol’ lake water and speakin’ out of turn!
I won’t stand for it!
Not for one minute!
That’s why I’ve taken over writin’ this issue this week. My name is Brian and I am a MAN!
That’s right...a MAN!
I do MANly things...
I kicked out that tramp who usually pretends to have some talent and told
her to get back where she belongs...which is in the kitchen makin’ me
a sandwich!
Thursday
If I wanted to go support more feminist propaganda, I’d go see “The Snow Queen” tonight at 7:30 p.m. in the Gallagher Student Center Theatre.
If I can’t make it tonight, I’d show up at that same time in that same place every night until and including Sunday. Those are my only chances!
But I ain’t gonna go because it’s about a woman!
It’s in the title!
What I will go see is a Late Night Movie in the GSC Theatre at 11 p.m. called “Good Luck Chuck.”
Sounds like a real wholesome film filled with family values and good lookin’ people.
Friday
To make my points more valid, I will quote students from a 1968 “Letter to the Editor.”
They had it right on when they said, “If we have equal numbers of girls and fellows, hardcore intellectual thinking will be lost.” You’re dagnabbin’ right hardcore intellectual thinking will be lost! Who knows what else would be lost! Heaven forbid we lost our dignity!
Don’t Tell Anna, Xavier’s Premiere Improv Comedy Group, will perform tonight at 9 p.m. in Kelley Auditorium. The show is always free.
Another student wrote to the Xavier News in 1970 to voice his outrage at the announcement that one and a half floors of Kuhlman Hall would be converted to women’s dormitories.
He wrote, “Our university has condescended to allow women to enroll in day and night classes. But to allow then in our dorms! Never!”
Women should and never will be welcome in the dorms of college gentlemen! I can’t imagine any situation in which a women should or would ever be welcome in a fellow’s room, ‘cept’n it was arranged by their parents that they were to be married and they were meeting briefly-with the watchful eyes of both sets of parents-to discuss wedding plans.
Otherwise, no women! Ever!
Saturday
If you’re really into Buddhism or Ecology, you should attend the workshop with Joanna Macy hosted by the Brueggeman Center for Dialogue today and tomorrow.
Buddhism. That’s what I’m talking about. One man. One tree. Sitting alone. Nobody to nag him. Nobody to tell him to do his laundry or make his bed or clean his room or take a bath because he smells.
Just a guy under a tree thinkin’ about the meaning of it all.
If I could get one free minute without the old ball and chain reminding me all the ways I’m inadequate, perhaps I could reach Nirvana, too!
Sunday
I can’t imagine a world in which the lady folk don’t understand they’re lesser than the men folk. Do you think they’d honestly get uppity enough to want the same jobs as men? I certainly hope they never reach for something like political office...and certainly not the President of the US of A. Yeah, they’ll put a man on the moon before they consider making a Lady President.
Monday
Ahhhhh. I feel especially refreshed. I just had the Almanac Wench bring me a beer. I am speaking, of course, of the promiscuous lady who normally (attempts to) write this column.
Ahhhhhhhhh.
Nothing better than a good ol’ onomatopoeia to express how I’m feeling. Ahhhhhhhhh.
Men folk can’t concentrate with them women around them. They walk up with their big ol’ brains and matching wits and all hell breaks loose!
Tuesday
Barely Legal Teens will have an improvisational comedy show tonight at 9:30 p.m. in Kelley Auditorium.
If they do a good job you should know how to thank them properly. I learned from an office video in the 1950s that was discussing how to make women feel more at ease in the workplace.
You see, nothing says ‘Great Job!’ like a nice, firm, slap on the tookus.
Briana Hansen
Calendar City Editor
The Xavier Newswire 3800 Victory Parkway Cincinnati, Ohio 45207-2129 On-campus location: The Publications House, 3739 Ledgewood Dr. Telephone: 513.745.3607 Advertising: 513.745.3561 Fax: 513.745.2898 Email: John LaFollette
Editor-in-Chief Ellie Jaqueth
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