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A walk down Awkward Ave.

Dear fellow Lemmings,

I want to start off this column by giving you all a tiny bit of background information to help shed light on the stories to come. First off, I am your typical college student that shares the same everyday experiences as you, only mine seem to be innately intertwined with an element of awkwardness.

Let me explain. I can confidently say that every night before my head hits the pillow, I can think back to at least one slightly uncomfortable, cringe-worthy encounter that I exchanged with another human being. Furthermore, there’s a pretty good chance that said other human being was you!
I felt it most appropriate to begin this column by sharing my very first awkward anecdote at the university.

It was a Sunday evening in the fall of 2005 and I was making the dreaded trip to our lovely McDonald Library to study for my general chemistry test. I made my way to the third floor for some serious quiet study time (the library was much different than its current state: the intermittent sounds of hammers and drills did not exist).

I found a suitable carrel and parked myself there, took off my shoes and got comfortable. I was going to be there for quite a while. After about an hour I was really getting into the groove of things and the molar equations I was balancing from my study guide were coming along nicely.
However, not five minutes later did this well-dressed Miami University wannabe comes waltzing into the third floor, thus ending my concentration spree and beginning the library charade.

First off, I’m sitting there wondering why he came to the library on a Sunday evening dressed for a night on the town with his preppy posse. What was actually more unnerving was the fact that he chose to sit directly on the other side of my carrel when the third floor happened to be practically vacant with a plethora of available places to sit.
Ariel
facebook.com

Imagine sitting across from any one of these guys in the library.

I feel it is now time to stress the absurdness of this action—no one chooses to sit directly across from someone when there are plenty of seats available. This is a violation of the personal space code.

I quickly let this go and figured there was no point in wasting my time overanalyzing the thought processes of this poor overdressed soul. And so the studying continued, and the conversions were going great and I felt that it was now time to check some of my answers with my handy solutions manual.

I stood up to get the manual and that is when it happened: The stylish stranger and I locked eyes (so awkward!), but only for a split second as I overtly shifted my gaze to the stacks. But I did not get off so easily; the stranger then proceeded to speak to me. Of course back in the day speaking on the third floor was considered a faux pas of library etiquette. Everyone knows that talking is for the first and second floors, and so I was quite startled by this gesture and wanted the conversation to end as quickly as possible.

I whispered, “Pardon?” in reply, but again he muttered something that was incomprehensible. At this point I was about to just nod politely and say “OK,” but I was curious so again I said “Pardon?” this time sounding slightly annoyed.

He replied, much more audibly and in a somewhat pompous tone, “Are you trying to play footsie with me?”

I was so taken aback by such an accusation that I was practically speechless for a moment and then shot back at him, “NO! Uh, NO!” I wondered, what kind of person just blatantly pulls that out from thin air?

Then I remember that I had taken off my shoes and perhaps that is what he had felt, though there certainly would not have been any initiation with a pair of unworn shoes.

Still standing there, leaning over his side of the carrel and creating quite a scene, I gave the only explanation I could think of for his random footsie sensation: “Umm, it’s my shoes?”

With a sarcastic chuckle and a smirk, he said, “Ohh. Right.” Frustrated and flustered, I barked back, “IT WAS MY SHOES!” and then slunk down into my seat.

Now where was I? Oh that’s right, conversions. Yeah right, my concentration was shot and all I could think of was the fact that this delusional person was sitting in such close proximity to me and that his misguided stare was practically burning through the thin piece of wood that separated us. At this point, any attempt to regain my concentration would be just ridiculous, and I quietly packed up my things, fetched my shoes and hightailed it to the door.

What can I say? I am a tortured soul.

It should be obvious by now that it’s in fact the trivial interactions of everyday life that most people disregard are what actually consume and pollute my daily thoughts. That being said, I would love for all of you to join me, tripping down this awkward avenue as I regale you with the countless tales to come.

Sincerly,
Violet Finch

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 Briefs

Stephanie Metz 
Diversions Editor

AIDS Awareness Week

Learn about the dangers of AIDS and how to protect yourself this week. Wednesday, Nov. 28 the ladies of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Inc. will have an AIDS Awareness Sex Quiz in GSC. BSA will be hosting an AIDS Awareness walk from 6 to 9 p.m. on Thursday, Nov. 29. An AIDS Awarness Fair will take place from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Friday, Nov. 30 in the GSC. During this time there will also be free and confidential AIDS testing. After the fair at 3:30 p.m. Dr. Robbins will be speaking on the AIDS crisis in the atrium of Gallagher.
Sunday, Dec. 2 the Women of LEAD and men of GOAL will sponsor a viewing of the movie, “Life Support” with Queen Latifa—time and location TBA.

Dance Marathon

Come and watch your friends dance all night in the name of charity. Revenue from the marathon will benefit Cincinnati Childrens Hopsital. The event takes place from 7-11p.m. on Friday, Nov. 30-31 in the O’Connor Sports Center gymnasium.

Auditions

Auditions for “Steel Magnolias” and “Hot ’n Throbbing” will take place from 7 to 10 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 28 and 29 in the GSC Studio. Prepare a short 1-2 minute comedic monologue and be prepared to do a cold reading for both or just one of the plays. For more information contact Christa Hyson at hysonc@xavier.edu.

Classic Movie Night

The GSC Classic College Movie this November is “Clueless.” The movie will be shown at 11p.m. on Thursday, Nov. 29 - Friday, Nov. 30 in the GSC Theater. The movie is free to XU students with All Card.

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