Wednesday
This week, dear friends, we shall embark on a pictorial adventure! It’ll be just like those picture books you loved when you were a child. Except without the morality. Or the substance. Or the storyline. Otherwise, it’ll be just like being a kid again!
Okay, so, once upon a time there was this student (That’s you!) reading this newspaper column (That’s this!) and having a grand old time (Just like you are!).
Once the student put down this paper (Don’t you dare!), he/she/it (Whatever
you are, weirdo) got really bored.
“Wah!” The student cried for hours! Oh, if you had heard the wailing!
(Shut up!!!)
Thursday
Until the student’s best friend (That’s me! Your imaginary friend, Rudolf!) told him about the Club Football game against Miami at 7 p.m. at Shea Stadium in Norwood. The student ran to the game as fast as Speedy Gonzalez on speed!
Friday
After an invigorating Thursday evening at the local watering hole after the Club Football game, the student became bored again (Somebody’s high maintenance, geez). So the student’s best friend, Rudolf (That’s me again!) came to help out once again! (I’m always there when you need me...if I’m not on the potty. Imaginary friends have to potty a lot...so I’ve heard...)
Rudolf told the friend to go see the Xavier Players present “Your Guess is as Good As Mine” an improvisational comedy show and Murder Mystery in the GSC Studio Theatre at 7:30 p.m. (My guess is better than yours. Too bad.).
According to my sources, it’ll be a hysterically funny show (Funnier than YOUR MOM! HA!)
The student obliged, paid the measly $3 entrance fee and laughed hysterically the whole night (I laughed so much I cried! Then I remembered my dark past and continued to cry...)
Saturday
The student loved the show so much last night that he/she/it decided to go
again tonight at the same time!
It was so much fun! (The student obviously has no life. Ahem. Call me, baby.)
Sunday
After whispering sweet nothings into the student’s imaginary friend’s ear (Mmmmmmm), the student was out again on the prowl looking for some fun (Not naughty fun, you gutter-mind).
The student decided to attend a free show by “Don’t Tell Anna: Xavier’s Premiere Improvisational Comedy Group” at 9 p.m. in Kelley Auditorium (Good choice, gutter-mind).
Monday
Tonight is the Honors Council Thanksgiving Dinner in the Honors Villa beginning at 6:30 p.m. (a.k.a Nerd-a-Palooza ‘07).
Rudolf heard the food is disgusting and not good at all and is poison to anyone who does not know the secret handshake, so, the student shouldn’t go...no matter what (I hope they buy that so I can get all the delicious food to myself. Blast! Why are my thoughts being put in print! I just pooted.
ouble blast! This is all so embarrassing!).
Tuesday
The end. (Finally!) And now...
It’s peanut butter jelly time!
Briana Hansen
Calendar City Editor
The Xavier Newswire 3800 Victory Parkway Cincinnati, Ohio 45207-2129 On-campus location: The Publications House, 3739 Ledgewood Dr. Telephone: 513.745.3607 Advertising: 513.745.3561 Fax: 513.745.2898 Email: John LaFollette
Editor-in-Chief Ellie Jaqueth
Advertising Manager Full list of staff contacts www.xu.edu/newswire
