Wednesday

Imagine simply walking down the academic mall to class. You’re likely listening to your iPod so you don’t have to have normal social interaction in the three-minute walk. Perhaps you’re talking on the phone to someone in a two-minute conversation that just could not wait.

Nevertheless, the morning seems like any normal one as you put one foot lazily in front of the other headed to another boring core class that you brought other homework for.

Suddenly-BAM-you’ve fallen five feet under the ground into a huge sinkhole. This event is exactly what happened to a 64-year-old woman in Brooklyn. I’ll bet you won’t find that story anywhere in the rest of the paper. And people say I don’t report relevant news...

The first part of this column reminds me of a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. In fact, I enjoyed writing it so much that I’ve decided to write this week’s Calendar City in Choose Your Own Adventure style.

You walk across campus toward Dana Avenue. You reach the street. You stop for a moment and look at the speeding traffic in either direction. Do you choose to risk the possibly dangerous walk across the street?

If no, skip to Saturday.

If yes, continue reading.

It looks like you’ve got quite the adventurous spirit, young one! Perhaps you should stop by Village Apartment 35. The Social Justice Apartments will host an open house today from 5:30-7:30 p.m.

Thursday

Ah! So you’ve found the courage that’s always lived within yourself!

Congratulations!

You are now standing in the arms of a loved one who you desperately want to impress. You can either run away, take them dancing or make them fat because you’re jealous of their toned physique.

If you choose to run away, skip to Sunday.

If you choose to take them dancing, go to the Armory at 7:30 p.m. where the interactive show “Totally 80s Snowball” will open tonight.

If you choose to make them fat, be at Gallagher Student Center atrium at 10 p.m. for the Late Night Snack featuring Busken Bakery.

Friday

You wake up today feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world. Will the world offer you the opportunity you need in order to prove yourself today?

If you had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted...would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

If you recognize that musical reference, continue reading. If not, skip to Sunday.
We’re beginning to weed out the boys from the men by now in this Choose Your Own Adventure column. I’m also beginning to understand why no Choose Your Own Adventure novel was ever more than 30 pages. I’m managing to confuse myself. Nevertheless! This moment is not about me, it is a moment is about you, the adventurer.

You’ve managed to hop out of bed around 4 p.m. today after some Thursday festivities and put on your favorite pair of pants. Which pants are they? The shiny silver pants or the khakis?

If you choose the shiny silver pants, you’ll find yourself at the Armory at 7:30 p.m. for another night of the “Totally 80s Snowball.”

If you choose the khakis, you’ll end up in the GSC atrium at 9 p.m. for Xavier’s version of “The Weakest Link” live.

If you choose no pants, you’ll find yourself playing Dungeons and Dragons online all night. Sicko.

Saturday

If you’re here because you’ve completed every adventure leading up to this point, treat yourself to beautiful zoo lights tonight with XU at the Cincinnati Zoo. A shuttle will run from Buenger Hall, starting at 5:30 p.m.

If you’re here because you were too scared to cross the street on Wednesday, you are pathetic. To make yourself feel better, head to “Totally 80s Snowball” in the Armory at 7:30 p.m. where there will be plenty of characters who are much more pathetic than you.

If you choose to complete either of these challenges, skip Sunday because it doesn’t apply to you. If you skip both events, read on.

Sunday

You wussy. This is a Choose Your Own Adventure novel and if you’re reading this column you keep scaredy-cat-ing out of life’s adventures. Choosing the safe route every time will not help you realize your dream of being a KFC general store manager anytime soon. Your one redeeming chance approaches quickly. You may attend the final evening of “Totally 80s Snowball” at the same time and same place.

Monday

Another week means another slew of adventures available to you. You make yourself a pot of coffee in the morning, leave the coffee pot on and set your apartment on fire.

What will you save?

If you choose to save your roommate, you are the type of adventurer who will likely enjoy the prayer service at Bellarmine Chapel at 7:30 p.m.

If you choose to save your cutest scarf, you’ll be well-prepared for yet another Winter Wonderland Celebration in the GSC atrium from 1-4 p.m.

Either afternoon adventure you end up at finds you lonely later in the night. You have a lot of homework to do, but your friend offers you the chance to play a game of capture the flag. Do you go to the library and continue to be responsible and get good grades? Or do you go play the game? Read along Tuesday to see what happens!

Tuesday

If you choose the library, you grab some books and head over. Unfortunately, on your way to the library, the sidewalk gives out and you’re stuck in a sinkhole.

If you choose the game, you put your sneakers on and head to campus.

Unfortunately, on the walk over, the sidewalk gives out and you’re stuck in a sinkhole.

The lesson learned: You cannot escape your destiny. Therefore never, never, never try.