Wednesday

It always seems that this time of the year is filled with love, laughter and community. Going home for Thanksgiving, I was reminded how refreshing it is to be in a mutually inclusive family and friend setting where everything is shared.

Why, when you’re around family and good friends, you easily share stories, laughter, tears, joy, delicious food...you name it.

It was this community setting that made me reflect upon what brings stress into my life. Why can’t I just feel this sense of sharing and caring all year long?

I’ll tell you why. It’s because of moochers. Selfish, annoying, immature moochers. I’m talking about the people who just take and take without ever even pretending to give anything back.

The worst moochers are the kind who don’t even realize how much they mooch because they’re too busy focusing on themselves and their needs to see that they’re sucking the patience and kindness out of your very essence.

So for the sake of the whole Xavier community, dear friends, please take a moment to reflect upon your own actions.

Are you a moocher?

Well, quit it. It’s getting on my nerves and I will personally go samurai warrior against your kneecaps if you don’t stop.

The first Crosstown Laugh Off will take place tonight at 8 p.m. at Go Bananas Comedy Club. Tickets are $5 and are available in pre-sale or at the door.

Thursday

Today is Computer Security Day. That means you need to not let your computer out of your sight and make sure anyone who gets near it gets a good flanking.

I don’t actually know what a flanking would entail since I just heard the word for the first time the other day. It just sounds fierce. “Why are you so sore and bruised?” “Why, I got a ferocious flanking.”

From 5-8 p.m., there will be a Holiday Party in the GSC foodcourt. From 10-11 p.m., SOL will serve hot chocolate and pastries. The holiday favorite of fried flakity flanks will be served. Be sure and flank the servers. No, this is not flanking annoying, you flank.

Friday

Thank goodness that column was short. I drained every last possible bit of humor from that word and was just starting to look desperate.

Hold on. Me? Desperate on a Friday night? Never! I have a lot of healthy social outlets for my weekend. I never sit at home on the computer, reading, playing with the expansion pack version of my Lord of the Rings game. Never.

OK, always.

There will be a prayer service to celebrate World AIDS Day at noon in the GSC Clocktower Lounge.

I really wish there was more going on so I could discuss it rather than scouring the Internet only to learn that the most exciting thing about this day in history is the agreement to build a giant tunnel.

I’m really trying to think of a way to make that at all exciting but I’ll be darned if it is just the driest headline in history.

What? You think you could make that interesting? You think you’re so much cooler than me? It’s not that hard. I still suck my thumb when I’m nervous.

You think you’re so much more popular than me? Whoop-dee-doo. My best friend is a doll named Clowney.

At least I would never use the hole in my boxers to use the restroom if I were given the genetic choice. Wussy.

Saturday

Whew, this article is escalating quickly into all out mindless rambling. Thank goodness there are actual events advertised on campus today. What little self-respect I had is just going downhill fast.

To celebrate the Advent season, Bellarmine Chapel will be hosting a prayer service called “Lessons and Carols” starting at 7:30 p.m.

Later, head over to Kelley Auditorium for the International Don’t Tell Anna improvisational comedy show at 9 p.m.. It’s international because a number of groups representing all sorts of people and places are sponsoring. Otherwise, it’s just a regularly hilarious comedy show. As always, admission is free.

Sunday

Eduardo Isaac is a man with two first names. I don’t know Eduardo Isaac’s middle name but I’d imagine it could be his grandfather Felipe’s name, perhaps.

Eduardo Isaac’s full name could include three first names and absolutely no last name. Anything is possible. All I know about Eduardo Felipe Joseph Isaac is that he will be performing a Classical Guitar Concert in the Conaton Board Room at 2:30 p.m. today.

Monday

Today is Jay-Z’s birthday. If you listen to the Black Album, which I highly suggest because it is a fantastic conglomoration of music, you would know that.
Too many stars today are too secretive about their history. I wish people like John Travolta would write songs that describe their conversion to Scientology just like Jay-Z writes about his life growing up.

Xavier will be celebrating Jay-Z’s birthday Xavier style, in the form of a Winter Wonderland at 4:30 p.m. on the greenspace.

There will be a “live nativity scene.” I’m going just to see what that even means.
If they bring an actual baby Jesus, I’ll be satisfied. If they bring the actual Jay-Z, I won’t complain one bit. If neither of those happens, you better believe I’ll be writing a strongly worded letter to those two opinionated, strapping young men at the Newswire.

Tuesday

There will be a Percussion Ensemble Concert at 7:30 p.m. in Long Recital Hall. I’ll be there to see them bring in da noise and bring in da funk. Martin Van Buren, the eighth president of our nation, was born on this day 224 years ago. Such a famous, well-loved, often studied president would love the fact that he shares a birthday with Bathtub Party Day. Go on. Make yourself a bubble bath and dream of Mr. Van Buren. What more could you ask for?