Published since 1915 by the students
of Xavier University
Published since 1915 by the students
of Xavier University
Ah, the sweet memories of Academic Day. How glorious it is to have a Tuesday without any obligations or work. Though I know it was only yesterday, I’m already looking back on it with nostalgia. I wish for another Academic Day like Arsenio Hall wishes he wasn’t stuck making crappy movies like “Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!”
Yes, that’s a real movie and yes, Arsenio Hall is in it and yes, he plays the ship’s captain, Captain Crothers and yes, this is a run-on sentence with a lot of commas and yes, I have nothing more to say.
All my lovely nerds, be prepared. There will be an Academic Book Fair from 10:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. in GSC room 214. Any questions will be answered by publishers who are standing by.
I didn’t even know these book fairs existed, let alone that there are people whose sole purpose is to answer any questions others may have about a book.
I may have discovered my dream job. If hand modeling doesn’t work out, and selling crappy items on late-night infomercials is a bust, and people discover that I’m not really psychic and stop calling my hotline for love advice, then I’m all about the Academic Book Fairs.
At 5:30 p.m., there will be a prayer service outside the library sponsored by Advocates for Animals honoring St. Francis of Assisi, the saint of animals. A celebratory barbeque will later take place on the greenspace with delicious ribs, hotdogs, chicken and sloppy joe’s.
There is an informational meeting for Shantytown tonight at 5:30 p.m. in Gallagher Student Center, room 214. I’ll still be in that room soaking up the remnants of the Academic Book Fair. You’ll likely find me hugging several textbooks tightly and rolling around on the floor while giggling profusely.
At 7:30 p.m., the Studio Theater opens its doors to the public for the fantastic show, “Caribbean Blend.” I wrote a poem in honor of the show:
So dark, in, the Night.
My. punctuation (is) bad;
Help me f!ind my, way, to the cellar door?
*I* need...a jar of...pickles...
If you’ll excuse me for a moment, a man just walked into the Publications House and I want to make sure I put on a pretty dress, my nice apron and tend to his every need or whim.
(Gasp.)
(Silence.)
The day I honestly recount a story that bears any resemblace to that and am not being blatantly sarcastic, please shoot me in the foot.
If you missed the delightful “Caribbean Blend” production last night, you can see it tonight. Be in the Studio Theater at 7:30 p.m. and you’ll be in luck.
I know that when I see the show, I’m going to see it safely. You know what that means...sunscreen with at least SPF 50. SPF 30 is for everyday use if I absolutely have to leave my little sunless nook; SPF 50 is when I’m feeling rather ambitious.
Since I’ve heard of the so-called Caribbean and its so-called UV rays, I say bring it on. I’m wearing layers, several hats, scarves and sunscreen to keep my pasty, Scandanavian skin intact.
If the Studio show only whetted your Caribbean appetite, fear not. You can learn even more about the Caribbean culture tonight at 11 p.m. in the Gallagher Student Center Theater during the movie “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.” Nothing says culture like pirates searching for a buried treasure.
Today is International Frugal Fun Day. You still have another showing of “Caribbean Blend” or Late Night Movie options tonight in Gallagher at the same times and same places as yesterday. But, these feed into the economy in one way or another. Since it is Frugal Fun Day, I don’t think it’d be very patriotic if you actually spent a dime today.
Instead, you’ll have to make fun without spending a dime. I certainly know what I’ll be doing... You got it. Dance party. If you have iTunes, a CD player, a cassette player or even a loud voice and a song stuck in your head, have a dance party all day long in your room. Celine Dion mandatory. Clothes optional.
Matt Damon turns 36 today.
Matt Damon.
Derek Walcott, the writer of “Caribbean Blend” and all the writings in the play, will be on campus today for a lecture at 7 p.m. in the Schiff Family Conference Center.
Matt Damon.
“Caribbean Blend” will show at 4 p.m. in the Studio Theater to honor the playwright’s visit to campus.
Matt Damon.
There is an X-Experience Day today, which means there will be a lot of young prospectives in their malleable, impressionable, naive high school glory on campus.
That means all you upperclass males could finally hit on someone who will listen, respond and maybe even think you’re clever! Go for it, boys, it could be a great confidence boost. Who knows where it could go? Mmmmm. Children.
As for you, Mrs. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
From 7:30-9 p.m., there will be a roundtable discussion of Roger Fortin’s history of Xavier called “To See Great Wonders.” Based on the title, the history must begin the year Xavier integrated women onto the campus. What great wonders could have possibly been worth seeing before then?
Giggidy, giggidy, giggidy goo.
Oooh.
The Vision of Hope Speaker Series will feature economist Nancy Bertaux at 7 p.m. in Kelley Auditorium.
I know it’s tough to have classes this Tuesday, so treat it like a Thursday since classes are finished on Wednesday. You get Sunday and Saturday off as usual, but they are overshadowed by the Thursday that no classes meet and the Friday that is also free for Fall Break...also, purple monkey dishwasher. What?
Briana Hansen 
Calender City Editor
The Xavier Newswire
3800 Victory Parkway
Cincinnati, Ohio 45207-2129
On-campus location:
The Publications House,
3739 Ledgewood Dr.
Telephone: 513.745.3607
Advertising: 513.745.3561
Fax: 513.745.2898
