Published since 1915 by the students
of Xavier University
Published since 1915 by the students
of Xavier University
Emily Hoferer
Diversions Editor
Every year at this time there are questions that seep into everyone’s mind. Little children raise their hands in school, people call in to NPR and write letters to anybody or everybody. They all ask the same questions:
Will any of the new TV shows be good this fall? Will we push them aside for our old, familiar favorites? Will we boycott TV altogether and read books? Well, let’s hope not.
We at the Newswire understand that time is and of the valuable essence for the college student, so we’re going to post a handy little weekly calendar to show you which new shows will be worth it on those days. No need to thank us.
Every year, there are huge successes, big disappointments, shows that are ignored and shows that get way too much publicity. Although it may be too soon to say, this is what we recommend:
Monday- By far, the new show that you should not miss on Mondays is “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” (NBC).
Two reasons not to miss this show are: 1- it’s an Aaron Sorkin creation without all the political hub-bub. Therefore, it will be smart, funny, thought-provoking and well-scripted. 2- Matthew Perry is back where he belongs: on TV and not making awful movies.
If you’re looking for something that might tickle your funny bone, catch “The Class” (CBS) starring the late John Ritter’s son. Members of a third grade class reunite after being apart for 20 years.
And if you like seeing girls cry, watch “The Bachelor: Rome” (ABC) where multiple women will go into witch mode to try and woo a rich Italian prince. Odds are, though, the relationship won’t last.
Tuesday- A night brimming with new shows. It’s definitely hard to settle on just one. “Friday Night Lights” (NBC) will succeed with audiences who love sports, drama and attractive people playing football who are not on MTV.
“Smith” (CBS) is a drama about a man who is regular Joe Schmo, played by Ray Liota, and leads a normal life during the day, but at night robs banks.
Crime shows seem to be very popular these days. “Standoff” (FOX) takes a different spin on the daily life of two FBI agents who are falling for each other.
“The Knights of Prosperity” (ABC) might sound like a title spun off something from “Monty Python” but so far it’s the most well- received comedy among critics.
Wednesday- The show on Wednesdays with the most buzz is “Jericho” (CBS), a show about a nuclear holocaust bringing people together. It’s very heartwarming.
If that’s a little too intense for you, “Kidnapped” (NBC) will still be thrilling, but perhaps less catastrophic for all mankind.
“The Odd Couple” has been modernized on NBC. John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor star in the buddy sitcom “Twenty Good Years” (NBC). While these are two great comedic veterans, the jury is still out on whether or not the show will be funny.
Thursday- GREY’S ANATOMY! Oh wait, that’s not a new show. Sorry. Anyway, Thursday is famous for being the most competitive night on television.
First, there’s the most controversial “Survivor” ever in which the teams were chosen purely on race.
Then, there’s the Dr. McDreamy vs. forensic scientists showdown in the 9 p.m. slot. And don’t forget about the Thursday night staple, ER (NBC). It’s going into its 13th season.
So, if you’re looking for a new show, your best bet would be the Grey’s Anatomy lead in “Ugly Betty” (ABC). It looks very funny and it will touch the hearts of ugly people everywhere.
We can already smell the stink of “Til Death” (FOX). Brad Garrett is a very funny individual, which may keep the show going. But if it’s renewed, it will only garner this from critics: “Holy crap!”
Friday- People watch TV on Fridays? Well, if that’s the case, then they’re probably watching “Numbers” or “Law and Order.”
As far as new shows go, the one that looks even remotely interesting is “Men in Trees” (ABC). Its basically “Sex and the City,” only with Anne Heche in less fabulous clothes and in a city that is the complete opposite of the Big Apple, a small town in Alaska. There’s even a beefed up, macho, lumberjack version of Mr. Big.
Saturday- OK, nothing is on TV on Saturdays. We have repeats, infomercials and stuff that wasn’t good enough to air on Friday nights. Perhaps your best bet is not sitting on the couch. Go interact with actual human beings.
Sunday- Nighttime soaps are so this minute, as seen with “Brothers and Sisters” (ABC). Calista Flockhart is the main star of the show. As if we need another anorexic/ skinny actress on TV. That’s pretty much the only noteworthy new show on Sundays.
“Desperate Housewives” (ABC) is promising to be better this season. It will have to be because the competition is fierce with various football teams on “Monday Night Football” and Tyra Banks mentoring aspiring models. Now that’s good TV.
The bottom line- Looks like all the winners will be with the dramas. If people ignore Sorkin’s “Studio 60” or “Jericho,” then they are really missing out.
If comedy is more of your scene, you’re probably better off watching the shows without a laugh track. Ever since “Everybody Loves Raymond” left the air, the sitcom has been declared dead. Shows like “The New Adventures of Old Christine” (CBS) will try to resurrect it during the sophomore seasons.
All in all, it should be a worthwhile fall. But if all else fails, there’s always hope for those wonderful mid-season replacements.
Wade Hasenour
Contributing Writer
Newswire Rating: 
Before writing a prescription to take a dose of the extraordinary comedy “Beerfest,” one would have to ask a few crucial questions.
Do you enjoy a healthy and wholesome glass of ice cold beer? Do you like to have the occasional laugh watching alcoholics drink goat urine?
Would you find it exciting if you were sent on an imperative family mission to unload your grandfather’s remains during Oktoberfest?
Have you ever seen or enjoyed any piece or clip of film from the movies “Super Troopers” and/or “Club Dread”?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then this movie will impress you like a smooth Bavarian brewski.
If you answered “no” to every one of these questions, then please stop reading this review right now and go back to your lonely and remote tower somewhere in Antarctica.
With this esteemed and elite batch of actors, dubbed the Broken Lizard Troupe, impossible is only a word used for those allergic to hops and comedy.
Actors such as Kevin Heffernan, Erik Stolhanske, Paul Soter, Jay Chandrasekhar and Steve Lemme harmoniously mix together to perform in a well-brewed screenplay.
The story follows two men who travel all the way to Germany for their own national holiday, Oktoberfest. It is there that they mingle with the wrong crowd. They soon find themselves in the middle of a “Fight Club”-esque competition, only this time with beer.
Are you not sold already?
Then imagine this: Glistening steins of foamy homebrewed goodness, a Broken Lizard production illustrating the epitome of beer and the very real underworld of Oktoberfest all come together to make one entertaining movie. “Beerfest” will forever change the magical way one sees a can of Busch, Miller or Bud.
During and after watching “Beerfest,” there was an increased level of laughter, sniffles and individual BAC.
Though this comedy screamed humor and reached out to those of legal drinking age, it may still be seen as an overall “worth-seeing-in-theaters” movie by the untrained liver or non-drinker.
As good as it may seem, it is also a movie that, in general, no one under the age of seventeen should watch.
It does contain an extreme amount of alcohol consumption and may mislead teenagers to believe that drinking alcohol in ungodly amounts is perfectly OK. It has also been slapped with an “R” rating for other reasons not pertaining to alcohol.
So, mommies and daddies, bring a case to “Beerfest” instead of your kids because if they ever mimic the actors, they WILL DIE! But if you like beer and comedies, you WILL DIE of laughter.
Rosie Swan
Contributing Writer
Upon hearing titles such as “A Thousand Different Ways,” “The Return” and “Small Town Girl,” you might think that they were trashy romance novels found at the check-out aisle of a convenience store.
Unfortunately, no. These are the titles of three albums that are soon to be released by former “American Idol” contestants.
In fact, seven contestants of the show have albums being released within the next two months.
Clay Aiken’s is the first to be released. It came out yesterday, September 19, and is titled “A Thousand Different Ways.” The album includes 10 covers of traditional love songs and four new songs. How original.
Season two “American Idol” winner, Ruben Studdard, will release his second album, “The Return,” on October 17. Apparently it is another R&B album. I might have to return this one to the store.
After the flop of her Lifetime movie, Fantasia Barrino will rise again! This time she went back to the music studio, thank goodness, to release her second album. Apparently the tracks will appeal more to a pop audience. We shall see.
Finally, season five contestants Kellie Pickler, Taylor Hicks, Katharine McPhee and Chris Daughtry all have albums being released within three weeks of each other. Coincidence? I think not.
Let the competition begin...again.
Emily Hoferer 
Diversions Editor
So, you think you can act? Come try your hand at improvisational comedy! Don’t Tell Anna, Xavier’s improv comedy group, will be holding open auditions today and Thursday from 6-7 p.m. in the lobby of Alter Hall. No experience needed.
Glow Bowling
If you like to glow when you bowl, come out on Saturday at 8:30 p.m. to Stones Lanes. Weekenders is sponsoring the event. Students can bowl for $2. Remember to sign up early in the SAC office.
Family Fued
Students! Come out to the GSC food court to play family fued on Saturday at 9:00 p.m. Free food, drinks and admission. Many great prizes!
Dance Party
Men For Others wants you to come out and showcase your best singing skills at 10:15 p.m. on Saturday at the Men For Others house on Ledgewood. Come dressed as your favorite rock star. Free root beer keg and a rocking good time!
Reds College Night
Love baseball? See the Reds play the Cubs on Friday. Tickets are $2 and include transportation to and from the game. Tickets can be purchased today and Thursday in the GSC between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m.