Published since 1915 by the students
of Xavier University
Published since 1915 by the students
of Xavier University
Matthew Finger
Op-Ed Editor
Newswire Rating: 
Do as I say and you live: go see Snakes on a Plane. Don’t make that skeptical face at me. I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t give a damn because Snakes on a Plane is the greatest movie ever.
Samuel L. Jackson is quoted as saying that, “The only way Snakes on a Plane doesn’t win every award this year is if I make another movie with more mother (expletive) snakes on more mother (expletive) planes.” He is right.
Granted, the premise of snakes attacking people on a plane might seem silly, but it’s not. It’s hilarious. I realize that this movie may not be intended to be funny at all. But it is, beyond explanation.
All right, let’s lay down the “plot.” This guy witnesses a murder in Hawaii and FBI agent Flynn (Samuel Jackson) has to save his vulnerable butt from a crazy Chinese criminal. So, Jackson has to fly this guy back to Los Angeles to testify. Whoops. Crazy Chinese guy has loaded the plane’s cargo hold with a time released box of poisonous snakes.
You’re probably thinking, “Matt, snakes are docile creatures and wouldn’t attack unless provoked.” Wrong again, my friend, wrong again. Chinese guy sprayed all the Hawaiian leis with pheromones to make the snakes angry. This movie is pure genius.
The acting is awful. Awfully good, that is. Jackson gives us his usual tough guy attitude with a sprinkle of humor while the supporting cast does a superb job of pretending they’re scared out of their minds.
Snakes’ special effects bring life to dozens of different species of poisonous snakes. Though the movie might have arguably the worst plot line since that movie in which Sylvester Stallone has to arm wrestle for his son’s custody, the visual component of the movie is top notch.
One aspect of Snakes which makes it so enjoyable is the hoards of people crammed into the theater who are there for the exact same reason you are: to see a bad movie. No one is there on a first date or even a date at all. Everyone is there to laugh at the cultural nadir/apex of our generation.
A rowdy crowd makes the experience worthwhile. It’s like going to a bar. You’re not there because you want to pay three dollars and fifty cents a bottle; you’re there because you like the atmosphere.
The same is true with Snakes. You didn’t pay eight dollars to watch Samuel L. Jackson kill snakes. You paid to share a good laugh with strangers at a movie which is supposed to be stone cold serious.
Now, whether or not you go to see Snakes on a Plane is your decision. I can’t drag you to a good time. But I can tell you this. There are only three things in this world I like: my steaks rare, my potatoes mashed and my snakes on a plane. Sit back and enjoy the fright.
Here are just a few of your off-campus entertainment options.
Movie Theaters
Showcase Cincinnati
1701 Showcase Dr
Cincinnati, OH 45237
(513) 699-1500
www.nationalamusements.com
AMC 20: Newport On The Levee
One Levee Way
Newport, KY 41701
(859) 269-6742
www.amctheatres.com
The Esquire
320 Ludlow Ave
Cincinnati, OH 45202
(513) 281-2750
www.esquiretheatre.com
Concert Venues
Bogart’s
2621 Vine St
Cincinnati, OH 45219
(513) 281-8400
www.bogarts.com
Southgate House
24 East 3rd St
Newport, KY 41071
(859) 431-2201
www.southgatehouse.com
Record Shops
Everybody’s Records
6106 Montgomery Rd
Cincinnati, OH 45213
(513) 531-4500
www.everybodyrecords.com
Shake It Records
4156 Hamilton Rd
Cincinnati, OH 45223
(513) 591-0123
www.shakeitrecords.com
The Contemporary Arts Center of Cincinnati is a work of art in itself. The New York Times called the space “...the most important American building to be completed since the end of the cold war.”
They have multiples shows and events happening at almost all times. Here is what’s going on now:
THE PAPER
SCULPTURE SHOW
The Paper Sculpture Show invites visitors to become the artists in an interactive exhibition. The 29 artists involved in this exhibition have created art projects drawn on flat sheets of paper and stacked in the gallery space. The visitor chooses a project, then takes the printed sheet of paper, cuts out the components and assembles them into a three-dimensional sculpture. Aug. 18, - Nov. 5.
TOM MARIONI: BEER, ART AND PHILOSOPHY
Marioni is a Cincinnati native, though he has worked out of San Franciso. In the late 1960s and early 1970s, he began to experiment with the implications of early conceptualism and social works of art. Marioni is a pioneering figure in the idea of social interaction as a material for art, valuing the action over the object. His signature work, The Act of Drinking Beer with Friends is the Highest Form of Art (1970), is a work which continues to this day. The exhibit will survey more than 35 years of actions, sculptures, drawings and installations. August 19, 2006 - October 29, 2006
The Contemporary Arts Center has some tricky hours and prices, so listen up:
Mon., 10 a.m. - 9 p.m.
(free admission after 5 p.m.)
Tue., closed
Wed.-Fri., 10 a.m. - 6 p.m.
Sat.-Sun., 11 a.m. - 6 p.m.
Adults $7.50
Senior (65+) $6.50
Student w/ID $5.50
Children (3-13) $4.50
Recreational Sports
open house
From 2-5 p.m. on Monday in the O’Connor Sports Center, the Recreational Sports Department is hosting an afternoon of games in conjuction with the Manresa Program. There will be basketball, dodgeball, cornhole, volleyball and more. Come for the games, to meet the staff, or the refreshments and raffle.