Hello, I’m President George Dubya Bush (three snickers).

I’m writing to commend the brave men and women at the Xavier Newswire.

We’ve fallen on hard times, but you at the Newswire are hard-workers, working on hard problems, and finding hard solutions, hard.

I am impressed with your balanced and un-slanted handling of issues ranging from the Gallagher Center being open 24 hours, to your wonderful advice in Doc Talk—

I never knew that’s how you get mono.

I’m writing this to you from the ranch in Texas where I’m clearing some brush and I’m reminded of something Dick told me about the Newswire.

He said, "You know, if those kids were running the country we’d sure have a lot more potatoes," and I agreed, saying, "Yup, potatoes sure are good. Now watch this drive."

Temerity, tenacity, and tickled are just three words I would use to describe what I feel when I read the Newswire during the commercials in "Hannity and Colmes."

In fact, I had ‘Browny’ deliver a check to your student government for $20,000. ‘Browny told me that they somehow spent it on lawn chairs and commercial grade tooth paste.

I guess ‘Browny told ‘em how to do government right. The Newswire don’t need any handouts though; I know it—don’t take no guff from the man.

Aside from all I love about your ‘Wire, I do have one complaint: that dead-beat Chieftain Editor, or Edit-a-Chief guy.

You know, he calls himself buy some rap name and my constituents on campus tell me he needs to get a haircut and take all them shiny things out of his face.

I’ve also heard this "Burzer" (or whatever) is some irresponsible, anti-american critic of my policies.

But, in spite of his allegiance to the east-coast, Ivy League educated, liberal media, the Newswire has had the courage to stay the course and fight for freedom.

On a personal note, my daughters asked me to tell you all how dreamy your sports editor, Brian Bowsher, is.

I can get Barb and Jen’s digits so easy; I got the hook up as my peeps say, he, he, he (wink).

My purpose as president is much like the purpose of the Newswire: we both have to work hard for the people we represent and inform.

I feel safe knowing there are students with such integrity to candidly inform the public, which I know feels secure under my administration.