Bursar bills for your soul
Many have visited, few have returned. The truth behind the Office of the Bursar is finally discovered.

For years, Xavier students have told and retold horrifying tales of the dastardly doings in the university’s bursar office. Endless waiting in line, incoherent forms, and outrageous bills are just a few of the complaints forwarded by students.

Until a few days ago, the explanation for these problems was merely, "That’s how it is. Always was and always will be." But on Monday, junior Andrew Crago reported that he received a list of XU students who were to be damned forever, instead of a bill for the fall 2006 semester.

In a recent attempt to end wide-spread profile stalking, student networking guru Facebook.com has shut down, and AOL Instant Messenger has discontinued the use of away messages.

According to Facebook.com spokesperson Regina Spankwelts, "Profile stalking isn’t what we’re about. In fact, it’s creepy. We’re not here to provide a medium for obsessive college students." When asked what the point of Facebook was, Ms. Spankwelts became fidgety and then declined to comment.

At a meeting last Tuesday, the Office of Residence Life held a vote on whether or not to adjust the living situations and conditions at Xavier University beginning in the fall.

It was a fight to the death, but those in favor of changes narrowly edged out the influential members who opted to keep with tradition.