I hope everyone is well rested from the surprise snow day yesterday. Who knew that a little bit of snow could actually shut down an entire city?

If it’s simply the threat of something worse that could possibly be coming that causes Xavier to cancel classes, we could have some serious fun.

It might start with accepting a job at the campus paper making up cheesy punchlines for a weekly calendar article nobody will read. Oh, that’s right. I went there. Bring it.

On that optimistic note, here’s what’s going on around campus!

At 7 p.m. tonight the film "Sometimes in April" about Rwanda will be showing in Logan room 100. Isn’t it ironic how people of Rwanda have a month called April just like us? If I knew what irony meant, I might call that ironic. Unfortunately I don’t, so I have nothing more to say.

Seriously, I’m done talking. No more. Go home.

Okay, you called my bluff. I have plenty more to say. Along with not knowing what irony means, I never learned the concept of shutting up. That’s great for me, but it sucks for you. Read on!

Shame on thems Pappy done never teached theys how to reed. Theys gotsa jus lookin’ at the pikshurs.

Too harsh? You’re probably right, but I’m not going to listen to your opinion. Instead, I’m going to listen to what Rev. John Dear, S.J., has to say during his talk "Disarming the Heart, Disarming the World: The Active Path of Nonviolence" at 7:30 p.m. in Bellarmine Chapel.

Friday! Frantic, fanatical, and fantastically fun. Those and other f-words would be what someone may want to scream at a professor or two that continue to hold class on a snow day. Not that I would know from angry personal experience or anything...

If you’re interested in being a part of SAC, the applications are due today. What a great name for an organization. SAC.

There is a Cross Cultural Retreat going on tonight sponsored by the International Student Society. Even though it has the same intials as the other ISS on campus, this club isn’t nearly as frustrating. Also, they wear a lot more clothing. Put on some pants, you computer nerds.

Can I tell you a secret?

Booyakasha!

You’re welcome.

The XU Jazz Ensemble will be performing tonight at 7:30 in the Gallagher Student Center Theater.

Since when does jazz require a theater? Back in my day we just jammed on the streets, talking to the locals, and hoping for at least a nickel.

Why, a nickel could buy you all sorts of things. It could take you and a friend on a train to Tijuana and back and pay for a meal or two with change to spare for a milkshake at the local drugstore.

That was how life was lived before those blasted communists.

Today might get the prize for officially the most-events-ever-going on at Xavier. At 9 a.m. in the Gallagher Student Center atrium, Community Action Day will be taking place.

Starting at noon, there will be wheelchair football at O’Connor Sports Center. At 1 p.m., you have the option of either experiencing Cincinnati Arts with the Players, or heading over to Kelley Auditorium for the start of an ’80s movie marathon. Both events will continue throughout the night, so choose wisely.

At 8 p.m., you can go to a Monster Truck Rally at US Bank Arena. For $2, you get a ticket and transportation.

Of course, none of this matters if you’re traveling home to Indianapolis for your parents’ 25th wedding anniversary. Don’t think of it as missing out on tons of fun, think of it as gaining a boring car ride through dull, flat cornfields.

Sorry that Sunday is so short, but I’m tired of pretending like you’re going to do anything but sleep. You’re not. So just sleep, sleepy.

If you can bring yourself to get out of bed for another exciting day, you should head over to the PEP talk at 1:30 p.m. in Gallagher Student Center room 310.

If you don’t want to get out of bed because you’re so worn out by the weekend, I’m not going to force you. Partly because there’s really nothing else to do today. But mostly because I couldn’t care less about your sleeping patterns.

Speaking of sleeping, today is Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day. I would really like to celebrate this holiday, but just the thought of country music bores me.

I don’t have a huge problem with Reba McEntire. It’s her birthday today, too, so I feel like I should be nice.

I realize I can be a harsh critic, but I’ve just never really connected with a country music song. I usually connect much more with songs like Kanye’s "Gold Digger" because there are always some beautiful ladies who I swear are just using me for my fantastic masculine looks, incredible sense of style and immense wealth.