Pale people unite

Briana Hansen
Calendar City Editor

Now that winter is upon us and the sun has decided to make its graceful exit for a couple months, many people are turning to alternate sources for that "healthy" tan.

It is estimated that over one million Americans visit a tanning booth every day.

This is the time of year that those of us who were not "blessed" with "skin pigmentation of any kind" start to be reminded of just how pale we are.

But before you start making fun of naturally fair people, causing them to get bent out of shape about their skin and rush to an expensive, cancer-causing, time-consuming tanning bed, keep in mind some of the benefits of keeping around your near-transparent friend.

First of all, if you want to look tan, you have to have someone to compare it to.

Even if you have only moderate pigmentation, if you bring along your Scandinavian pal, I guarantee you’ll automatically look tanner than normal.

Not only will we help you look tanner, but we can actually help make you tanner!

Those of us with very little skin color don’t need a lot of sun rays, so we generously bounce them right back at you.

Sure, we take some of the harmful UV rays for ourselves, but we can’t take too much. Haven’t you ever seen an extremely pale person in the sun? We’re like mirrors for the sun’s rays.

Stick by us, baby, and you’ll never be pasty again.

Beyond that, we make you look like you’re in better shape during any physical activity.

If you and your tan-challenged friend are both playing outside, I promise you the other one will look tired much more quickly.

We can’t help it. The moment that blood starts flowing through our veins, you can see the capillaries at work under our skin and we look like we’ve been working extremely hard. You, tan one, will look like you’re not even breaking a sweat in comparison.

It doesn’t end there. If you’re not in a well-lit area at nighttime, you should think about bringing your next-to-clear friend.

No matter what, we’ll find the little bit of light that may exist in the area and almost start to glow. If it doesn’t help you see anything, if there’s danger around, you’ll blend into the dark scenery more easily.

Out on a late run, but don’t have a reflector in case a car comes along? Bring the pale pal along!

They’ll reflect light back as well as any store-bought product for no cost.

And for the ladies, being pale could save a lot of money on makeup supplies.

In the winter, you can use White-Out as concealer, which is much harder to rub off and will therefore last without re-application throughout the day.

There’s no need for blush because the simple process of breathing will keep your blood cells going through your cheek bones to give you plenty of color.

Any other makeup product will be made for those people who actually have some color in their skin, so a little bit will go a long way.