Another day, another dollar. That’s what my slogan would be if I were given one dollar every day. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen.

Hey! Let’s see what’s going on around campus! At 10 a.m., there’s a Blood Drive in Gallagher room 330. I go for the free sticker that says, "Be nice to me, I gave blood today," because it once saved my life.

It was a late, dark, stormy night and I was waiting for the bridge to drop so that I could cross the moat around my castle. Ye oletown apothecary came up to me and started insulting my family’s honor. I think you know how it goes when an apothecary starts insulting your family’s honor.

When I took off my jacket to duel, the apothecary saw my sticker and was immediately shamed. He felt dumber than Rupert, the town idiot! It was a memorable night indeed.

At 7 p.m. tonight, on the 10th floor of Schott, the International Film Series presents, "Out of Africa." I promise it will make much more sense than the story I just told, though that’s not difficult.

At 9:30 p.m., Students Against Sweatshops meets on the 3rd floor of the Commons. Go. Just do it.

Today is Dear Diary Day, so the following is written just like I would write in my diary.

Dear Diary, today was a like totally awesome day. Mikey kind of sort of looked like he might seem to want to look in my direction at the Blood Drive at 10 a.m. in Gallagher room 330. I really think he’s starting to fall for me. I realize I went to the blood drive yesterday, too, but I just love the buzz after two or three donations in one day.

I probably have a problem, but I’ll deal with it later. I’ll just take it out passive-aggressively on Mikey after we’re married with three children and living in the suburbs. That way, it affects not only myself but all those around me!

If I had aspirations to be anything but a trophy wife with deep-seated insecurities, I probably would have gone to the PEP talk at 10:30 a.m. in Gallagher room 310.

Off to watch seven hours of TV then doze off and sleep through my first class tomorrow. Ciao!

What a shame. So much to do today leaves little time for pointless trivia. Dry your eyes, this will be over soon.

At 4 p.m., there will be an All Science Cookout in Fountain Plaza. I hope they nitrate some glycerine and mix it in proportionally with the barbecue sauce to create very hazardous health conditions for those who come for the free food but lack common knowledge of the periodic table.

If you prefer discussion of the ethical implications of nitrating glycerine, come to the Wine and Cheeser at 4:30 p.m. at the Honors Villa across from Buenger Hall.

Vassily Primakov, a Classical Pianist, will be performing in the Gallagher Student Center Theater at 2:30 p.m. today.

He’s a classical pianist in the sense that he plays the piano with his fingers incredibly well. The unclassical pianist, by contrast, plays a giant piano in F.A.O. Schwartz by dancing around, as popularized in the classic Tom Hanks movie, "Big."

There is a Job Search for International Students today in room 230 in the Gallagher Student Center.

I don’t believe in searching for jobs. If anything is worth doing, it will find me. Maybe that’s why my parents say I’ll never amount to anything.

Olivia Newton-John, ordinarily associated with the movie "Grease," but also a major player in the production of the song "Funkytown," turns 57 today.

In 1990, the X rating was abolished. I figured you should know.

This is a historic day for Xavier University and the Catholic community abroad. In 1540, Pope Paul III established the Society of Jesus in Rome. Holla at yo’ Jesuits.

In 1935, Judy Garland signed with MGM. I wonder if they made her sign in blood since her soul was included in the contract.

In 1989, Zsa Zsa Gabor, who was on trial for slapping a police officer, stormed out of the courtroom during the district attorney’s closing argument.