March 2, 2005

Calendar City

Josh Kataoka

Wednesday, March 2

Prophecy, we all live by it and follow it day to day, right? Right. This Calendar City deals with prophecy on the basest of all levels, the ground level.

In a way I’m a prophet, a very silly one who few listen to, but you all shall listen to me when my words of wisdom bring the truth to all of your ears.

My first prophecy concerns this week. It’s going to be wicked cold and snowy all week, according to me, the prophet, who read it on a weather page.

My second prophecy is that Ryan will write Calendar City next week. And so it shall be.

Today at 1:30 p.m. in room 330 of the Gallagher Student Center a Résumé Workshop will be taking place, as it was written so long ago by the ancients.

It shall come to pass that at 5:30 p.m. tonight there is a Peer Leadership Team Meeting in the CCLD offices.

The ominous signs of Horus indicate that there will be a video shown at 7:15 p.m. tonight in room B-11 of Alter Hall. The subject of the video has been divined to be the Vision of a New Economy.

Dr. Josh is available for birthday and stripper parties.

Thursday, March 3

I have consulted with the oracle at Newport and burnt much incense at the throne of Haufbraü. The gods of old have indicated many of the following truths must be told, so I will go about telling.

Today at 10:30 a.m. in the CCLD offices there will be a very profitable PEP Talk.

I must warn you of this next event, it will be full of personal enemies, attend it only if you absolutely must.

At 4 p.m. in the Romero International Center there will be something called Great Decisions: Russia. The only great decision I can think of regarding Russia is whether or not to melt it off of the face of the planet. Russia is teh suck.

In terms of your well-being, the oracle wants me to tell you to attend the Non-Impact Aerobics Class at 4 p.m. in O’Connor. I mean, the oracle isn’t saying that you’re fat, but it’s worried about your cholesterol levels. Plus, you can skip that Russian jazz.

Friday, March 4

I used a standard spiritual journey to determine what’s going on today so they may be wrong, I really don’t know.

Today at 12:30 p.m. in room 214 of Gallagher there will be an art show. The subject? Spirituality in the Arts: The Photography of Marbles. Now, please don’t assume that my mental state created this title, it’s what the Universal Truth wants it to be called.

My spiritual journey also led me to understand that at 6 p.m. today the Threshold Retreat begins at the Grailville Retreat Center. Grailville? Yes, now you see the truth, at least, the edge of the truth. Russia is still teh suck.

Saturday, March 5

Consulting the stars provided me with a few new ideas.

I believe that the signs are leading you to the National Teachers Exam in the lobby of Alter. I know that some of you aren’t planning on taking the PRAXIS, but the signs don’t lie, someone, somewhere will be taking this test today, you heard it from me first. PRAXIS sounds like Abraxis, check that.

Sunday, March 6

The signs in the stars tell me that you must attend the Xavier Classical Piano Series featuring Orion Weiss today at 2:30 p.m. in the Gallagher Theatre. Do you see how this works yet?

The stars also request that you attend Archbishop Fitzgerald’s speech on Interfaith relations. It will occur at 7:30 p.m. in the Schiff Family Conference Center. Don’t tell him you heard it from me.

Monday, March 7

Today the stars took a break to play some golf so I used dice to decide what’s happening.

I used enough dice to spell out, “PEP Talk” so I assume there’s one of them going on, probably at 1:30 p.m. in the CCLD offices. Who knows?

There’s also a speech today by Dr. Ronald Glossop. I’m not sure about the last name because the dice only have numbers on them, but I do know he’ll be speaking about confronting war at 7:30 p.m. in Kelley. It’s still cold I think.

Tuesday, March 8

Greetings initiates! My name is Overlord Herionicle. I am the third Justice of Atlantica and Dr. Josh is currently channeling me. You can tell because I have a British accent.

I’m telling you the truth, today at 7 p.m. there is an Ethics/Religion and Society Lecture in the Schiff Family Conference Center.

Ooh, what just happened? Did I channel someone? It felt like some kind of overlord, but who can be sure with these things. I hope his information was helpful, I’m going to take a nap. Read this next week when Ryan writes sans chemicals.