November 20, 2002

Calendar City

Jim Murphy

Wednesday, November 20

I know what you, my faithful readers, must be thinking right now . . . where’s the picture this week? Well, since not one of you sent a response to last week’s prompt regarding the midnight snack, I decided to do this as sort of a punishment. Either that, or I needed the space to write about all of the damn Homecoming events going on this weekend.

International Coffee Hour celebrates South Korea at 3:30 p.m. outside of the Romero Center. Come get some delicious kimchi and drink some soju-spiked coffee. See, occasionally I match the customs to their correct cultures.

The men’s basketball team, after utterly embarrassing the St. Peter’s Peacocks (arguably the least—intimidating team name ever), travels to No-Cal to take on the Stanford Cardinal at 10:30 p.m.

From the "You didn’t know it even existed, and therefore probably won’t go" file, the Xavier University Chamber Orchestra performs at 7:30 p.m. in Bellarmine Chapel.

Thursday, November 21

Remember that scene in "Footloose" where they have the chicken fight on tractors? This is another concrete example of reason 346 why I’m glad I didn’t grow up in the South. Anyway, Xavier Players will perform this musical again this weekend, and will once again leave audiences thinking, "I should have gone to see Harry Potter."

SGA presents comedian Gary Owens at 8:30 p.m. in the ‘Tas. Hey, his name kinda sounds like Gary Coleman, so he’s probably pretty funny. In case you haven’t noticed, I have an unnatural obsession with "obscure ‘80s pop icons." Since when is David Hasselhoff an obscure name? You show me a person who doesn’t know who David Hasselhoff is, and I’ll personally slap him. (Note: to fully understand this, read the Op-Ed page.)

In honor of the anniversary of the six Jesuit martyrs of El Salvador, Voices of Solidarity is sponsoring a speaker in Kelley Auditorium at 7 p.m. David Gangolfo will discuss "Ignacio Ellacaria’s vision of what a Jesuit University should be."

Friday, November 22

Today marks the official beginning of Homecoming weekend here at Xavier. While current students get jiggy at the dance in the Millenium Hotel at 9 p.m., there will be a Young Alumni Bash at 9 p.m. at O’Bryon’s Pub on Madison Avenue. What do they mean by "young" alumni? Are they going to turn away anyone over the age of 25? I need to know these things.

Chris Penna and I have a date with our homework tonight, followed by a trip to some seedy bar in Norwood. Any other dateless loser is welcome to join us, provided you are 21 or have a good fake ID.

If neither of these options tickles your pickle, maybe you should head to Bogart’s to see Saliva and Audiovent at 8 p.m.

Saturday, November 23

Hooray! The Homecoming Parade takes place at 11 a.m. outside of the Cintas Center. I hear Fr. Graham will be in something resembling the Popemobile this year. During and after the parade, Senior Board is sponsoring "Breakfast and Beer." Wait a minute, they’re not the same thing?

The Old Boys rugby game is at 1 p.m. on Corcoran Field. This game is always extremely fun to watch. Instead of a coin toss, the team with the higher average blood alcohol content gets to decide who gets the ball first.

There is an opera luncheon at 1:30 p.m. in the Long Recital Hall. Insert your own witty comment about the opera’s fat lady and luncheons here.

Tours of the G-Spot will also be given today at 3 p.m. I can see the tour guide now. . . "and if you look to both your left and right, you will see the Fallopian Center for Ovarian Discharge. And that? Well, we haven’t quite figured out what that is yet."

There is a band alumni reunion at 6:30 p.m. in the Cintas Conference Rooms. I suggested calling this the "I’m 35 and still live with my parents" reunion, but as usual, my idea was rejected. I hope they have some cops on hand to keep this wild bunch in check.

The group of students going to Brazil for Alternative Spring Break is holding a fundraiser at 8:30 p.m. in Alter. For $2, you can watch "Top Gun" or "Pretty Woman," and eat all the pizza you want. Go out and support this good cause.

Oh, and by the way, GO BUCKS!

Sunday, November 24

While most schools have homecoming football games, Xavier chooses to defer this honor to the basketball team. Join them as they take on the powerhouse Florida A&M at 2 p.m. in the ‘Tas. Remember, "the power of X is me!"

Monday, November 25

The Xavier Wellness program is sponsoring a program called "Healthy Eating for the Holidays" at noon in both the cafe and the G-Spot. Yeah, this is gonna work. "More cranberry sauce, Johnny?" "No thanks, mom, but I will have some more of that delicious tofu turkey with soy stuffing!" I’m sure they’ll really make an impression on students while they’re on their way to Burger King or the cafe.

Tuesday, November 26

There isn’t much going on today, so I will now think out loud: I went to the basketball game Monday, and I could have sworn that Dedrick Finn was imitating Chris Ortman’s hair.

Manute Bol plays hockey now. This is probably the funniest thing since John Tesh left "Entertainment Tonight" to pursue his thriving musical career.

Have a good break. Murphout.