Let's Live Here: Words of Wisdom from an XUCB Alumni
Lampards and Gerrards,
A fall season has come and gone for you youngsters and to quote Timmy Harr, “let me just say” that each season to follow will pass you by faster than a healthy Wade Brankle motoring around second. Yes it was nearly 124 fortnights ago when I was an eager freshman member of XUCB, but the four years I spent with the team passed me by like a Craig Karges magic trick past an unsuspecting Manresa-believer. There were historic moments, hearty guffaws, team strife, legitimate beef, one Kevin Feeney, some gypsy tears, and plenty of double lobas double lo-byes.
Which brings me to the real reason for writing this advice column: Let’s live here. Yes, those three words are all anyone needs to know to reap the full XUCB experience from their brief college tenure. Many have spoken them, but few have truly “lived here”. The following moments I will share with you are examples of what should be the motto emblazoned upon all XUCB players’ hearts.
- When an upstart Bostonian wearing the number 32 was woodcocked at first
- When an unsung cannon went too far…into the back of a red Steinz-mobile
- When a sung cannon belonging to a youth from Lathrup Village routinely sailed over the soccer field fence
- When a master Left Fielder and his successor elected to stay up until 4 am despite having a game at 7:30am the next day
- When a group of naïve freshman and an all-star shortstop from Centerville stumbled upon some men leading alternative lifestyles at the Mainsail pool
- Anytime the Tropina was flowin’
- When Tommy was Tommy, and even when Tommy wasn’t Tommy
- Not when Johnny was Johnny…sorry K.A.
- Who could forget, when Ron Jeremy couldn’t answer his phone
- When a sausage pizza was the reward for hitting a double, but more importantly when a Hoofer Snack was the reward for grounding out to third but hustling down the line
- When Arnold yelled, “See you at the party Richter!”
- Whenever there was Lo-penetration
- When Alabaster McHenry ran through a flaming Rainn Wilson
- When the Four Founding Freshman joined the team, and then one of them bailed for ROTC
- When the Graduate failed to live up to expectations
- When a frustrated Club President went yard at Constitution Park with a 115 foot shot to Right
- When a former XUCB member turned Wright State, drove in 8 runs and then gave up 6
- Condo-wrecker…enough said
- When a bumpkin from northern Ohio exclaimed “Wherahthay!” while navigating by the stars in West Virginia
- When the most decorated member of the Club’s history is decorated for never getting a hit
- When anyone intentionally missed the cut to spite Heitker
- When Heitker ever called out “No No No No, You Suck!”
- When anyone didn’t call out “Ro Ro Ro Ro”
- When the best BP ball shagger was a beagle named Dana
- Whenever the K squad showed up, this was often
- The Boy’s first trip to Fazoli’s
- Hanley Bombs during Fieldhouse Kickball
- When Push comes to Pop
- Whenever Matt Mat walks into a room
- When Sparn was BR’d three times by BR in Tampa
- When Secretariat became Recresariat, and then Tectararisat
- When Jimmy Yu created the greatest Facebook album known to man with captions beginning with the word “happy (insert person’s name)”
- Papa Thetans letting it happen
- A looking strikeout on an 0-2 pitch being blamed on the "Spanish"
- Not being able to keep it up because it’s unrealistic
The list could continue on forever despite the fact that I stated earlier the moments were few, but I’ll spare you that treatment since Latos is probably already upset with how lengthy this has gotten. In short, but by short I mean about a long eight and a half (which is about close to the highly unsung Collins cannon), Tampa isn’t about Palm Trees and Sun, it’s not even about Twix bars or Kit Kats. It’s about Livin’ Here, Letting it Happen, and sometimes “How Dare You”, Goose Grana’s battle tested foie gras, the Gainesville Mall, and even Bennigans (You thought I’d leave that out Joe D, but there was no chance of that).
These moments have defined a truly incredible experience, as unforgettable as the J-Woww-Sammie altercation in Miami. This year in Tampa be sure to “Live Here”, it is the soundest piece of advice I can impart to you. Make the memories good the way a sound Taco Bell/KFC crew crafts Cheesy G’s (In the words of Joe D in reference to them, “They’re makin ‘em good today”). The Hot Tub should not be taken for granted, as Heitker would say “the way I see it you only have two options”… (most of us know what follows that). Be sure to stack the vans, starve out Hoss, pay homage to Sandy, and listen to Mom (Toskal that is). I ask that you have as much fun as one can have while being forced to spend time with Steve Latos all the while exhibiting the class of Scott Smith. With that, I give you my parting words:
The Priestess ‘sweak is the only ‘sweak,
Class of 2010
Team leader in come from behind, game-winning RBI singles against Wright State in the fall of 2007 at AIA
Proud father of Jordan Antoncic and Steve Funk…also uncle of Keith Paradise
P.S. To all the freshmen who don’t yet know: Is there anyone more underrated than Rosenbaum? The answer is a resounding no.