Hello, how ‘bout that ride in, I guess that’s why they call in the Nasty Nati...
This letter will focus on the team’s outlook for the 2011 Spring season, which will start in sunny Tampa/Ybor City, Florida in mid-March. Our visit back to Mainsail Suites will be as welcomed as LeBron James’ trip back to Cleveland. Nonetheless, the team is looking to feed off its two NCBA wins it picked up against NKU to end the fall season, currently putting us at the top of the Division. Here are individual player updates:
Zart: is 0-2 on his quest for sausage pizzas at spring training games in Tampa. It will be interesting to see if he settles for cheese if sausage continues to produce those results. Also of note, a redemption dinner lies ahead, as Henry’s Louisiana Bar and Grill conquered him last year.
Rosey: most important match-up on his spring break could be a 2 on 2 basketball game with the locals in left field
Ficus: will lead the team in tweets from 3-7 AM, and no one will be close.
Foxtrot: will lead the team in percentage of angry tweets (around 95%).
Ant’wone Jonstoncic: will by far have the worst smile:base hit ratio, with an anticipated value being between 0.00 and 0.25.
Push Pop: Has smoothly taken over for Dobbins in the role of horrible direction giver. Will not let him navigate us out of Ybor; one wayward turn could put us in a bad spot ;-).
Horning: over/under on girls reeled in during spring break is set at 100.
Joistiq: Horning’s WINGman gets his over/under set at 1
Joe Antipasti’no: success on the team will depend on how many pasta dinners he provides on nights prior to games. A three-course meal equipped with naps after each course will not lead to many losses.
Moskal: is due to trick a base runner on a deceptive defensive maneuver.
Stixx: will be in Fort Loramie during every game yet complain about playing time.
Bill Hoerst: remains to be safe in defending his title as cutest twin on the team
Myself: Anxious for the anticipated rematch at NKU. If a brawl breaks out, look for me to take the role of Kyle Farnsworth
That’s what lies ahead for the team heading into Spring Break. As for a quick prediction for our upcoming games… Spring Break: 3-0 winning in convincing fashion behind great pitching and timely hitting. Kentucky: Lose a doubleheader by a combined 30-2 count while yielding a minimum of 5 dingers at Constitution Park’s friendly dimensions. Rest of Year: Realize our chance at the World Series is gone again and flirt with .500. That’s been the pattern the last couple of years, let’s see if we’ve got the guys to change it this year.
Until January, take care now, bye bye then.